Ticking Clock

I might have died last night.

I was drained after a long exhaustive day. I ordered a heavy three-course dinner. The food was delivered to my house a quarter to 10 at night. I ate pretty quick and crashed into my bed. I was so tired I couldn’t flip the light switch off. I must’ve slept for about an hour when I started feeling painful itching in my legs. I wore shorts so mosquitoes decided to dine on the exposed leg chops.

I lifted myself from a deep sleep, almost suddenly, and sat on the bed. The rage to get those bloodthirsty vampires pushed me to wake up with such suddenness that I felt something had just gone wrong.

It felt like a sudden punch where my heart was. It was as if someone started squeezing my heart. There was a steady pain.

I staggered off the floor and searched for my smartwatch. Luckily it was lying around with some charge left. My heart rate was around 50 and staggered between 50 and 60 for some time. But the pain was constant and I couldn’t shake it off.

I sat under the fan, my shirt tucked away, waiting for the pain to subside.

Minutes passed and I saw no progress. Then the opposite began to happen, my heart beat rose, slow and steady. I saw the watch blink 130 and hopped to 140 all the way to 160.

I was thinking about what would happen if I died right there. The phone was far from reach and I couldn’t move with all that pain. I thought perhaps after a few days someone would discover a rotting mess lying alone in the house and corrupting all the oxygen nearby.

Nope, not how I wished to die. But I was waiting for it, to be honest.

I told myself “It’s okay, you gave your best. It’s alright”

The pain was constant and didn’t show any sign of letting me go.

I saw something unusual crawling upon the chair in front of me. It was a cockroach that slipped into my house a day earlier, which I tried to murder with one of those electric mosquito bats. He seemed to be staring at me from the highest point of the chocolate brown plastic chair. I was drained and lying on the floor.

That stare! It was as if I was destined to disappear that night.

“*****, I ain’t dying today. Go to ****”

I screamed a fair dose of expletives at the calm demeanor of my uninvited foe.

“You can’t catch me. I die the way I want”

Suddenly, I was struck by a thought. My demise is going to break mom’s heart. She already lost her brother the same way. He lived right next to a private hospital and even shared a wall with it. But he was afraid, I like to think, of the expenses and his financial situation at that time. Because he didn’t go to the private hospital. Instead, he walked to a nearby government hospital a kilometer away. I was later told that he spent the last of his precious minutes filling out a form. He was late perhaps by a few minutes, the gap between life and death.

I dressed up as much as I could and started searching for my phone. I was still missing a shirt though.

My heart beat was staggering around 170 to 180 at this point and I started to feel dizzy.

I picked up my phone and sat comfortably in a chair.

I could feel my toes numbing and I had to call someone, fast. Perhaps my blood pressure was dropping.

I picked up the phone but I didn’t want to scare my parents yet. I called a friend who lived nearby. Once, twice, no response.

Thoughts were rushing into my tired brain. Who could come here as early as possible?

My landlord’s kid played video games in a room beneath my floor. I decided to call him. I walked around, opened the door for rescuers to come in, and crashed back into my chair.

Heart rate 180+

The kid was as confused as I was and asked me what he needed to do. My head was dizzy. I could barely speak. I thought my heart would implode If it crossed 190 or 200. I asked him to keep the gate open and that I’m not doing very well.

I called my parents. Otherwise, it might be too late.

“hello”

“Hi mom” (Actually I like to call her by her name. We were like old friends)

“You always call me late. What now? Had dinner??”

I calmed myself and explained quietly what was happening.

“Try to breathe. You know meditation. try… I will call someone… You called anyone?… uncle lives nearby maybe…”

Her pace quickened and there was panic in her voice, as one sentence stumbled into another.

“I’m not able to talk much. Feel fainty. Heart rate 160 to 180 for twenty minutes”

I spoke the last sentence in whispers. We hung up the call as mom raced to call one of my relatives who lived nearby.

I remembered another friend and decided to call. He lived a few streets away.

“Hi bro” he answered like it was mid-day. It was, on the contrary, a few minutes before midnight.

“Need help, emergency, can you come?”

By then my heart was still racing above 180 and I was feeling dizzy. It’s been almost thirty minutes and the pain was still lingering. At least now, I thought, I wouldn’t die alone. There would be someone besides me.

Help arrived within minutes. They helped dress me up, held my hand, and ushered me slowly to my uncle’s car.

“Jipmer or GH,” my uncle asked my friend, who was clueless. “You decide. .. I’ll follow”

The car radio was playing some announcements and some old Tamil songs. The volume was turned down and the car rushed.

I felt a little better. The car smelled of room freshener and chill air. The car was racing towards JIPMER. Traffic signs or signals didn’t matter. I’ve never seen my uncle so serious. He’s usually a fun person who likes to joke often.

I thought perhaps I should open the window, lean outside and scream “Wee… Weee… Wee…” like an ambulance. It’s funny, the kind of thoughts you have, even at such times.

My friend’s scooter tailed our vehicle. Soon we were at Jipmer’s large metal gates.

When I got down from the car, it was as if everyone was already prepared. It all worked like clockwork – the gate opened, questions asked, logs filled out, instructions given and queues waited for us.

I was told it’s the outpatient emergency ward. Not the usual hospital setting I’ve experienced before. Long white-tired corridors were missing, and tiny cramped sterile-smelling rooms were also absent. It was one large hall with different sections and a number of makeshift beds. It felt more like a flood relief camp, or a refuge camp.

The first stall took some basic tests, including my blood pressure, oxygen, and heart rate levels. They noticed my unusual pressure. My heart rate was normal by then, around 90s, thanks to the excitement of seeing familiar faces and the car journey; perhaps.

He scribbled my vitals down on a paper and sent us to another place.

And then it happened. “Book podunga sir” and we were given forms to fill out. Maybe my deceased uncle was watching all this from the clouds and mumbling curses now.

My heart rate was in another unusual phase now. Going down, and then up. I noticed my Garmin blink around 110 to 120.

My uncle helped with the forms while my friend and I headed to take an ECG.

Sticky fluids on bare chest, rubber popping ends of ECG wires, wheezing machines, and a slow nurse later, we got our ECG reading printed.

Other patients were scary. There were accident cases, cases struggling to breathe, ones crying in pain, relatives screaming at the lost loved ones. I tried not to pay attention. Even the smell was very different, rather obnoxious, not the usual chlorine-like stench.

We headed to the next stall with the doctors. I was asked to sit on a small metal stool. My papers were being examined. It passed many hands before I was shot with so many questions. I thought it must be bad.

My heart was normal now. The reading was around the 80s.

“Has this happened before? Do you drink? Anyone in the family has a history of heart disease? Do you have BP or Sugar?”

I don’t even remember all the questions. I felt that maybe they memorized them.

After a lengthy discussion, one doctor said “Next time this happens, come immediately, you don’t have to wait” and guided us to another stall.

I had to narrate the whole story all over again and answer the same set of questions.

The new doctor smiled and said there was nothing to worry about. “The ECG is normal now.”

I tried to reiterate myself. “Had a long, hard, exhausting day. Heavy food, slept quickly, had to wake up fast, mosquitoes, and then this happened.”

“It’s alright. You’re fine now. If this happens again don’t wait. Only if we scan you during the phase, we’ll know what is happening”

It was like rocket science to me. We left. I felt better though, my heart rate stayed in the 90s.

We sanitized our hands and entered the car. My friend seemed sleep deprived and my uncle seems worried.

I said something weird at that time.

“Soon, the sun will rise. I will wake up and this odd dream will be over.”

My uncle looked perplexed.